you know what is my favorite?
sneaking into L’s room at night,
before i go to bed
or when i have to wake him up from his nap,
and putting that one, maybe two socks on his little feet
and he’s all toasty
and breathing deeply and effortlessly.
i always, always steal a kiss because
it has taken four and a half years to be able to do this.
to enjoy him as he sleeps.
so many seemingly endless nights
(which did end!).
for a long time,
i would tiptoe down the hall,
and that would wake him.
or, he’d start crying
the moment my head would hit the pillow.
or, in that first year,
i’d nurse him to sleep
in the middle of the night
and then i’d have to wake B to watch him on the monitor
to make sure that he didn’t choke,
while i quickly went to the bathroom.
but these nights,
i soak it all up.
all his deeply sleeping goodness.
i soak it all up.
never knowing what season we will be in next.
and, i am even grateful for that.
